What Do I Say Instead?
What Do I Say Instead?
A gentle communication companion for dementia care
When someone you love is living with dementia, the hardest moments often come down to words.
They ask the same question again.
They want to go “home,” even though they are home.
They don’t recognize you — or they tell you to leave.
You freeze.
You don’t want to argue.
You don’t want to lie.
You don’t want to cause more distress.
You just want to respond with care.
This offering exists for those moments.
What Do I Say Instead? is a calm, humane communication companion designed to help you find emotionally supportive wording when words feel hard to find.
It supports connection over correction, dignity over accuracy, and steadiness over urgency.
What this is
This is a communication companion, not a script.
You describe the moment you’re in, and you’re offered:
one validating response
one gentle redirection
one comforting reassurance
Each option is designed to reduce distress and protect emotional safety — without arguing, correcting, or over-explaining.
You can adapt the language so it sounds like you.
You don’t need to use everything.
You don’t need perfect words.
What this includes
This offering includes three supportive resources, designed to meet different needs and moments. You can use any one of them on its own, or move between them as feels right.
1. The Communication Companion
For in-the-moment support, when emotions are high and time feels short.
This interactive companion helps you find calm, dignity-preserving wording in real time.
2. A Gentle Guide (PDF)
For understanding, reassurance, and confidence.
The guide explores:
why communication feels harder in dementia
emotional truth vs. factual correction
validation, redirection, and reassurance in plain language
common caregiver worries — and gentle reframes
This guide is meant to reduce guilt and help you trust yourself.
3. One-Page Professional Guidance
For healthcare and care professionals.
This one-page document outlines:
scope and appropriate use
ethical boundaries
documentation and privacy considerations
It exists to support responsible use within professional roles.
Who this is for
Family members caring for a loved one with dementia
Healthcare and care professionals supporting families
Anyone who wants to communicate with more calm and confidence
No prior knowledge is required.
What this is not
This is not medical advice.
This is not dementia training.
This is not about getting the “right” words.
It is about kind enough words, spoken with care.
How to use this well
You don’t need to read everything first
You don’t need to use every suggestion
You can adapt the language to your voice
Your calm presence matters more than perfect phrasing
If nothing feels right in the moment, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Created with care
This offering was created by a former Registered Nurse with over a decade of experience in dementia care.
It was shaped by years of bedside experience, family conversations, and the quiet moments where presence mattered more than explanation.
In gentle closing
Dementia changes many things.
The ability to offer comfort is not one of them.
Even when words feel uncertain, care can still be felt.